update.

I know it has been a long time since I've posted anything so here is my update from the past couple of months. September started by going to the beach with all the crèche kids. Boy was that an experience! These kids, who are rarely let outside of the walls of the crèche (except to go to school and church), got to go and experience the beach. To see the pure joy on the children's faces as they "swam" and splashed each other was indescribable. I even got to put some of my swim lesson teaching skills to use! A few days later I got a little taste of home from a team out of good old Eugene (UFC)! This team had all already been to Haiti and so we got to do a little more exploring and new experiences which is always fun. After UFC left, my favorite part of September had arrived. 

Now for those of you who don't know this story already, I will recap. If you've already heard this, bear with me for a minute. So back in July, when I was in Colorado for a family reunion and returning to Haiti, I was stopped at the American check-in desk in Denver and was asked if I had a visa to be in Haiti because if I am staying more than 3 months then I need one (I had been in Haiti for 4.5 months prior to going to Colorado and no one had said anything and initially I had been told you need one if you plan on staying more than 6 months). I responded with a long drawn out "noooo" and looked at the lady with pleading eyes to just check me in and forget about it. She refused saying that she cannot check me in until either I have a visa or I have a return ticket that puts me in the country for less than 90 days. I let her know that I needed to be back for work the next day and couldn't sit around a wait for a visa so she should just change my original return ticket (which was going to Phoenix) to be under the 90 days. She changed it to be 1 day short of 3 months and informed that unless I wanted to pay another fee (I had already paid to change the date), then I needed to return to my original destination. I was so pressed to just get checked in that I told her that's fine, I'll go to Phoenix for the weekend and figure the rest out later. I just wanted to get going. Fast forward about a month and I decided it was time to figure out what I was going to do in Phoenix for the weekend. I looked at the calendar and realized the date she changed my ticket to was only a couple days after my mom's birthday so I decided the best birthday present that I could buy is a ticket to Eugene to surprise both my parents for the weekend. To say they were surprised would be an understatement (see video below). I thought my mom was going to pass out from hyperventilation. Unfortunately it was a very short, 3 day trip to Eugene, but it was well worth it. I left feeling rejuvenated and ready to tackle the last 7 weeks in Haiti. 

October started off wild with Hurricane Matthew hitting Haiti (and other places) very hard and leaving mass destruction and devestation. While in Kenscoff we ended up fairing pretty well, it was so unknown the damage that would be done. We spent 3 days hunkered down and prepared for it to hit (it felt like the slowest moving hurricane ever). When it finally hit, the south of the island was devastated. I had never experienced a hurricane and it was scary to say the least - but I'm so thankful that God spared the people of Kenscoff and we continue to pray for the south side of the island that is still reeling from the destruction that Matthew left. Pretty quick after the hurricane, we had individuals and teams reaching out to us looking for what kind of relief efforts they could help with. I had one team come from Highlands church in Phoenix and we went around the Kenscoff area and prayed with people who had damage to their houses and assessed the damage. Though we weren't able to give anyone anything, people were so grateful to just be prayed for. After Highlands left, I had a few days down to regroup (and for Johnny to have his visa appointment). Unfortunately Johnny was not granted his US visa and as heartbroken as we are - we have both agreed we aren't giving up yet! We are going to fight as hard as we can so that he can get his visa - even if it takes 5 different appointments for him to get it (I don't think I ever realized how much freedom we automatically have as an American). 

Right after Johnny's visa appointment, a medical team arrived to travel to the south-east part of Haiti, where we have two churches: one in Bel Anse and one in Caporale. While this part wasn't hit quite as hard as the south part, it was hit hard and the threat of Cholera in these areas was high. I had never been to these areas in Haiti so though I am not medically trained at all, I hopped on the trip and tagged along hoping to help and see the area. I was encouraged by the lack of damage that I saw. Granted this was a couple weeks after the hurricane so the minor damages had been fixed mostly, but still there was much less damage than I expected. As a team, we stayed in Jacmel - a coastal town, and drove 2-2.5 hours each way to these villages, including through a river (we only got stuck once). The health of the people in Bel Anse was not great, but the people in the Caporale area were much worse. The first day we arrived, there was a large group of people that had heard we were coming and had traveled for a couple days to see us. There were a couple older women who could not walk, one of which likely had advanced cancer that we could do nothing for but give some pain medication. The second day, a little boy and his father arrived. As soon as we pulled in and unloaded the cars, I spotted them standing by the door. The father was carrying the little boy with a blanket completely covering him. Now in Haiti, even in the really hot areas, they wrap up the kids, but I had never seen a child completely covered like that. I asked one of the Haitians that was with us if the child was alive - because he was wrapped like he was already dead. He looked at me and said "yes but barely. He cannot even open his eyes". Obviously he very quickly became our first priority. After praying for the day, our amazing pediatric doctor, Dr. Joy, assessed him. He was incredibly swollen and his skin was weeping. I had never seen a person - let alone a child so close to death. Dr. Joy determined that he was severely malnourished and potentially had an infection and that he needed to get to a hospital or he was not going to survive much longer. He was able to eat a little bit and then he stayed on a cot the entire day, waiting for the team to be done so we could take him to a hospital in Jacmel. He has been in the hospital since and is showing good improvements but still has a way to go. He will likely be in the hospital for 2-3 months (if you want to donate to his medical expenses here is the link: http://www.chances4children.org/c4c/donate/contribute/). 

Throughout the past couple of months, I've also had a sprinkling of adoptive families visiting their children. When I agreed to moving to Haiti I certainly did not realize all that my job would evolve to. In September, I was praying for God to open doors and reveal what He has planned for me next, specifically within Chances for Children. I LOVE Chances for Children and all they do as an organization and knowing my time with them was coming to a close, I was praying that God would reveal Himself and an opportunity to stay involved. During my surprise visit to my parents, I received an email stating that our Adoptions Coordinator had chosen to step down from her position. While this was hard for us an organization because she had done so much and left big shoes to fill, I was honored to be able to step into the position. So now, I am the new Adoptions Coordinator for Chances for Children. I love our adoptive families and I love watching their journeys. I feel incredibly blessed. 

 

(The kiddos LOVED going to the beach with the nannies and staff for the day!)

 

(My mom basically had a panic attack when she saw me at the winery.)

(We did some relief work in Kenscoff)            (Before----------And after Hurricane Matthew)               

(A panorama in the Bel Anse/Caporale area)

(Oh and then there is Johnny and I who are still doing well and in love :) 

gifts.

I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.

                                                                                                                            Jeremiah 1:5

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I have now made it 5 months living in Haiti and tonight as I was sitting sewing one of over 100 pairs of shorts that I need to sew, I was thinking about how amazing it is that years and years ago my parents chose to put me in sewing lessons, having zero idea how it would come into handy in the future. My parents are wonderful and faithful people. I don't know if it was God's calling that they chose to put me in sewing lessons at the age of 6 or more of a personal decision (my grandmother was an amazing seamstress). Regardless, it is mind blowing the way God knew, before I was even born that I would be given this skill and that years later I would be using it to serve Him and further His kingdom. When I look at the ladies in our sewing program and I think about their lives compared to mine, even down to the simplest detail, I think about how incredible it is that God is in control of every little detail, for EACH of our lives. There are so many people on this planet and for Him to be able to keep track of such small details for every person is unfathomable. 

I've had many people ask me if I have learned much Haitian creole since being here to which I reply that unfortunately I have not learned as much as I would have liked because I can rely so much on my French. People then often ask where I learned my French and when I tell them that I went to an immersion school and started learning in Kindergarten, I can see the wheels turning in their head. "Did her parents know she would be working in Haiti someday?" "Why French and not Spanish, when Spanish is so much more useful in the US?" Now my parents had a logical reason, my dad had studied abroad in college, but God had a bigger plan. He knew what my future would hold. He knew exactly the path I would take to end up here. 

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And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. 

                                                                                                                    Romans 8:28

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Ok well here is a little life update since it's been a couple of months since I've written a blog post. July and August were both very full months with a lot of coming-and-going and lot of adventures. I had a couple of missions teams here that were just amazing and then I headed back to the US for a family reunion. This was my first time back in the US in 4 months and it was great. It was truly a wonderful time spent catching up with my family. I then returned to Haiti after a week and jumped right back into things with a couple more missions teams. In between all this craziness, I had a day or two to do some adventuring with one of my favorite people (yes he is my boyfriend; his name is Johnny; yes, God is doing some very amazing things and is in complete control; I'll give our story another day). We got to go to Furcy, a small region of Kenscoff (the town I live in) and we hiked for a couple of hours to find a hidden waterfall gem. It wasn't quite like an Oregon waterfall, but it was unexpected and was beautifully hidden! Well worth the hike! 

After a week or so of a break, my family came to join me in Haiti. This trip was a complete blessing because they have supported me through 4 other trips to Haiti and as nervous as my mother is with me being here, they have fully trusted God. For them to have the opportunity to come and see where I live and what I do was so important for me because of all the support they have provided me. They may never fully understand "why Haiti" but at least now they can picture where I live and what I do (and of course they got to meet Johnny which went wonderfully!).  

disconnected.

 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me besides still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. 

Psalm 23

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There have been many events in the past few weeks and months that have reminded me of the distance between myself and my friends and family. I have had moments of feeling disconnected and isolated. While I've made a lot of friends here, there is something about loosing someone in the community and not feeling like anyone who can relate. Or having a tragedy and not feeling like you have someone to talk to. Or having someone you love arrive at home after being gone for months and not being around to enjoy welcoming them home. 

There are approximately 3,000 miles between myself and Eugene. Thanks to technology, I can know what is happening at home most of the time. I can stay up-to-date with the ins and outs of my home town. I listen to 94.5 Mix in the mornings when getting ready and they give the weather and the news on Eugene and Oregon. I use Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat to feel like I am a part of what is happening back home. 

Part of the Haitian culture is "hurry-up and wait", as we like to call it. There is a lot of sitting around and waiting for someone or something to arrive on "Haitian time" (usually somewhere between 20-60 minutes late). During all of this down time and sitting around, it has become a natural instinct to pick up my phone and check in on social media to see what is happening back home. Update my Facebook feed. Scroll through Instagram. Reload friends' Snapchat stories. It almost becomes an endless cycle. Facebook. Instagram. Snapchat. Repeat. Now I did this back home too but because between work, friends, church and driving between locations, there was simply less time to load and reload all of this and less of a desire because I was living and seeing what was happening around me rather than relying on social media to tell me. 

A few Sundays ago, I did not have any missions teams here and so I chose not to go to the local church but rather stream a church from Portland on my computer and have my own church service (admittedly in my jammies, sitting on my bed). I took this time and challenged myself to disconnect from my phone. When you are at home and sitting in your bed for "church", the temptation to be on your phone is so much greater because there is no one to judge you or even know you are on your phone while trying to worship God. So I turned my phone all the way off and set it off to the side. During the church service that lasted an hour and a half or so, I found myself pushing that little circle button on the front of my phone 3-4 times out of habit just to see if anyone messaged me. Thankfully I had turned it off all the way so when it didn't light up, it served as a reminder to stay focused and to disconnect from my phone. 

Prior to coming to Haiti, I don't think I would have described myself as someone who NEEDS my phone or someone who is OBSESSED with my phone (though I did use it and it did come in handy frequently). I was shocked and slightly disappointed with myself with how second-nature it was for me to check my phone, even during the church service. 

Many people have asked me what the good, the bad and the ugly have been over the past 3 months while I've been in Haiti and how I feel God is working in my life. While I would absolutely say the MAJORITY of my time here has been good, very good, there has been some harder moments of feeling lonely and isolated. But as I reflect over the past 3 months, I think the biggest thing God has been working on in me is the ability to be still. To be quiet. To be in His presence. To reflect. To meditate on His word. To spend time with Him. I have never ever been good at this, but especially in the past 5 years. I've been so incredibly good at keeping as busy as I can so I didn't have to be still. So I didn't have to listen. So I didn't have to think and meditate. These things were all hard for me as they brought out a lot of insecurities in myself and doubt. During my time in Haiti, I've been forced to have meditation time. Quiet time. Time to reflect and process. Time to renew myself. This has been both incredibly good for me and super difficult. I'm not perfect or anywhere near to it and I wish I was doing it on a regular basis: unplugging and being still to listen to God's word and direction for me. But I have felt my relationship with the Lord blossom as I've put more and more faith in Him and given myself more and more to Him. 
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For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. 

Psalm 62:5-7

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Speaking of disconnect and feeling disconnected from life back home. I'd also like to provide a more day-to-day update for all my friends and family. So basically I came down to Haiti to be put to work wherever was needed which is awesome, except my "day-to-day" looks very different each day. In general, I either have a mission team here from somewhere in the States or an adoptive family here to socialize with their child (a required part in their adoption process). When teams are here and I am their "team lead", I work with them on a work project around either the crèche or the guest house. I answer questions. I communicate with the other staff here to ensure we have the correct supplies and such to maximize the use of our time. With adoptive families, of which I've had 9 come for their required 2-week socialization visit, I really just hang around and make myself available for their hundreds of questions - which I really love to hear and answer. 

When there is not a team or a family around, I have a lot more flexibility and down time in my schedule. I make myself available to answer questions in the sewing women's empowerment program (though I'm really working to try and empower them to make some of the decisions themselves). I also make myself available to Chances For Children's state-side staff to be able to answer questions for them and be their "eyes" in-country. The last piece of my job is to send bi-monthly updates for the adoptive families on their child or children. This piece of my job has been one of the most enjoyable parts as I get to spend some 1:1 time with the child to take photos and get to know the kid, but it has also been difficult because I've struggled to find the right balance of informing parents of the good and the bad of their child and telling them how cute and perfect their child is. Unfortunately the reality is most of our children have some challenging behaviors, mostly due to the environment, but it is hard to tell what behaviors will continue when they get home and what behaviors are purely a result of survival in this environment. I'm trying to be as honest as possible with families so they know the good, bad and ugly of what to prepare for as they prepare their home and family to receive the new child(ren) in the next few months. 

Finally, when I get a little down time or I take a little time off, I get to explore a bit of the country. While I haven't gotten to go anywhere too crazy or far off, I have gotten to explore the immediate area around where I live quite a bit as well as I went to the beach a few weekends ago with some good friends. I am continually awed by the beauty of this country and it really never gets old. I can't even put it into words and pictures just do not do it justice. 

I feel incredibly blessed and lucky to be here and to be doing what I'm doing. I pray daily that I do not grow cold or unmoved by what I am seeing and experiencing while I am here. One of my favorite parts of my job (aside from writing the updates) is to see people experience Haiti, and even more specifically Kenscoff for the first time. There is sometimes tears, sometimes shock and sometimes overwhelming joy. I pray constantly that I can continue to feel this same way as I continue to live and grow in a country that has so much to offer. It is so easy to grow accustomed to seeing starving children when you see it on a regular basis. Or grow insensitive to children who don't have shoes and are wearing torn clothes. I pray to God that He will continue to mold my heart and open my eyes to what is around me so that I can continue to be moved and grow by what I see and experience. 
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My friends walking down the boulvard in Jacmel, Haiti

Beach-side "restaurant" in Jacmel, Haiti

One of my favorite nannies at the crèche: Mama Dadou

We gave balloons to each of the kids at the
feeding program and they were just so excited.

unworthy.

He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and its people are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in. He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing. No sooner are they planted, no sooner are they sown, no sooner do they take root in the ground, than he blows on them and they wither, and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff. “To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Why do you complain, Jacob? Why do you say, Israel, “My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God”? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:22-31

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I've had this post started for over a week, but I've really struggled putting words to all my thoughts. This past couple of weeks, I've been really stuck on the word unworthy. When I sit and reflect on my life, I am quickly reminded of how completely and utterly blessed I am to have everything I do. God is CLEARLY present and working in my life. I cannot even express the peace I feel living and working in Haiti. God has blessed me with so many things in my life and particularly in the past 2.5 months since I moved to Haiti. When I accepted the calling to move my life here, I really had no idea how it would look. There were aspects of living in a third-world country that made me very apprehensive but yet God has provided and will continue to provide. The past few weeks, I have been reflecting on this experience and I keep getting stuck on this feeling of being unworthy of all the Lord has blessed me with. Initially when arriving in Haiti, I had one mission team and then five weeks of nothing until the next team arrived. In the weeks leading up to leaving the States, I mentally prepared myself to be lonely and bored for five weeks. God knows my heart and knows that I truly struggle when I have nothing to do. He provided. He provided adoption referrals to go through so instead of having 5 quiet weeks with no one around, I had 5 crazy weeks with adoptive families. I am over the moon excited that God has chosen me to be a part of each of these families’ adoption journeys. Why me? I have done nothing to be worthy of such a meaningful task. The verse in Isaiah above, is a reminder to me that He knows my name, He knows my heart, He knows my every desire and apprehension, and He does not grow weary of providing and guiding my life.

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As I reflect on this feeling of unworthiness, the story of Simon Peter in the boat with Jesus in Luke 5 comes to mind. Jesus was out teaching along the water when He climbed into the boat of Simon Peter and continued to teach. When he was finished teaching, He asked Simon to cast out his nets. Simon expressed doubt to Jesus saying that they had been trying all night to catch something and experienced little success but then said that since Jesus had asked him to do it, he would. Quickly the nets filled with fish and they began to break due to the quantity of fish. Luke 5:8 then says that "when Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, 'Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!'". In many ways I can relate to Simon Peter in this story. I have doubted Jesus that He could provide in times of uncertainty and unfamiliarity, yet He has continued to exceed my expectations. I have found myself at the knees of Jesus many times in the past few weeks, feeling unworthy of His goodness. In each of these moments of surrender, God has called out to me and told me to get up, brush off the dust and instead of sulking in my unworthiness, to go out and continue to do His works so that all may know that though they are unworthy, God continues to love us, care for us and provide for us.

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"Singing, You are holy, great and mighty
The moon and the stars declare who You are
I'm so unworthy, but still You love me
Forever my heart will sing of how great You are"

Phil Wickham: Cannons

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I have now been in Haiti for 9 weeks and God has had His hand on me the entire time. I have been so incredibly blessed that in my 9 weeks here, I have seen the gift of clean water, the gift of eye sight, the gift of family unification, the gift of pastoral education and the gift of healthcare. If He can provide all that in 9 short weeks, I cannot imagine what all I will experience over the next 6 months; but regardless, I am so ready to continue to see and experience His goodness!!

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This was the ceremony for the water filtration system that was put in at the community of Latapi.

A friend and I took a Sunday adventure and hiked up to an old Fort that overlooks much of Haiti. 

These photos are from graduation. 42 men graduated from pastoral school.

Having the chance to see a middle-aged women see clearly for the first time, is extremely memorable. 

The last 3 photos are from our mobile medical clinic at an orphanage in Cité Soleil, one of the most impoverished and violent slums of Port-a-Prince.