unworthy.

He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and its people are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in. He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing. No sooner are they planted, no sooner are they sown, no sooner do they take root in the ground, than he blows on them and they wither, and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff. “To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Why do you complain, Jacob? Why do you say, Israel, “My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God”? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:22-31

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I've had this post started for over a week, but I've really struggled putting words to all my thoughts. This past couple of weeks, I've been really stuck on the word unworthy. When I sit and reflect on my life, I am quickly reminded of how completely and utterly blessed I am to have everything I do. God is CLEARLY present and working in my life. I cannot even express the peace I feel living and working in Haiti. God has blessed me with so many things in my life and particularly in the past 2.5 months since I moved to Haiti. When I accepted the calling to move my life here, I really had no idea how it would look. There were aspects of living in a third-world country that made me very apprehensive but yet God has provided and will continue to provide. The past few weeks, I have been reflecting on this experience and I keep getting stuck on this feeling of being unworthy of all the Lord has blessed me with. Initially when arriving in Haiti, I had one mission team and then five weeks of nothing until the next team arrived. In the weeks leading up to leaving the States, I mentally prepared myself to be lonely and bored for five weeks. God knows my heart and knows that I truly struggle when I have nothing to do. He provided. He provided adoption referrals to go through so instead of having 5 quiet weeks with no one around, I had 5 crazy weeks with adoptive families. I am over the moon excited that God has chosen me to be a part of each of these families’ adoption journeys. Why me? I have done nothing to be worthy of such a meaningful task. The verse in Isaiah above, is a reminder to me that He knows my name, He knows my heart, He knows my every desire and apprehension, and He does not grow weary of providing and guiding my life.

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As I reflect on this feeling of unworthiness, the story of Simon Peter in the boat with Jesus in Luke 5 comes to mind. Jesus was out teaching along the water when He climbed into the boat of Simon Peter and continued to teach. When he was finished teaching, He asked Simon to cast out his nets. Simon expressed doubt to Jesus saying that they had been trying all night to catch something and experienced little success but then said that since Jesus had asked him to do it, he would. Quickly the nets filled with fish and they began to break due to the quantity of fish. Luke 5:8 then says that "when Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, 'Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!'". In many ways I can relate to Simon Peter in this story. I have doubted Jesus that He could provide in times of uncertainty and unfamiliarity, yet He has continued to exceed my expectations. I have found myself at the knees of Jesus many times in the past few weeks, feeling unworthy of His goodness. In each of these moments of surrender, God has called out to me and told me to get up, brush off the dust and instead of sulking in my unworthiness, to go out and continue to do His works so that all may know that though they are unworthy, God continues to love us, care for us and provide for us.

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"Singing, You are holy, great and mighty
The moon and the stars declare who You are
I'm so unworthy, but still You love me
Forever my heart will sing of how great You are"

Phil Wickham: Cannons

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I have now been in Haiti for 9 weeks and God has had His hand on me the entire time. I have been so incredibly blessed that in my 9 weeks here, I have seen the gift of clean water, the gift of eye sight, the gift of family unification, the gift of pastoral education and the gift of healthcare. If He can provide all that in 9 short weeks, I cannot imagine what all I will experience over the next 6 months; but regardless, I am so ready to continue to see and experience His goodness!!

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This was the ceremony for the water filtration system that was put in at the community of Latapi.

A friend and I took a Sunday adventure and hiked up to an old Fort that overlooks much of Haiti. 

These photos are from graduation. 42 men graduated from pastoral school.

Having the chance to see a middle-aged women see clearly for the first time, is extremely memorable. 

The last 3 photos are from our mobile medical clinic at an orphanage in Cité Soleil, one of the most impoverished and violent slums of Port-a-Prince.